Jasmin Voutilainen has died at age of 27. She was known for Finns as an actor on popular finnish TV-series called Salatut Elämät (Secret Lives) and she had also been part of beauty contest titled Miss Helsinki in 2018. Although her cause of death wasn’t given, it’s heavily implicated that she has committed suicide after suffering years from depression.
I didn’t know anything about her when she was alive. Local TV-stars tend to blend in together and very rarely someone actually becomes very famous through acting, especially those who have no intentions to go international. Many of these actors are just happy to get work through acting and there is no shame on that. It just makes most of them very boring in my eyes.
She had been vocal about hateful messages she had received and she had publicly announced her battle with depression. That’s like the worst combination ever for actors. Not only it’s hard to stay focused on whole acting thing due to depression, it’s also extremely hard to give two sh*ts about that said job when people on social media sends you messages like ‘‘kill yourself you f*cking fat slu*t’’ or ‘‘youre so fat lose some weight bitch.’’ Just for clarity, those were examples and not real messages what Jasmin had received, but it’s pretty easy to guess that she had received something like that.
On her last Instagram-post, she quoted a song from Suvi Teräsniska titled ‘‘Jos menet pois’’ (If you go away): ‘‘If you go away, what will I have left? You are so beautiful, I can't breathe. Moments of sleep are only dissolving.’’ This was met with concern and many people offered chance to talk if needed. She declined and told people to not worry.
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She had been incredibly open on her Instagram-page about her mental issues. Just few days before her death, she announced that she is suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety disorder and major depression. That’s a lot of things to handle with at the same time. I know for myself that I couldn’t do it. If we’re brutally honest, I doubt anyone would survive with all of those things going on at the same time.
Jasmin had used her Instagram-page as a way to write down her thoughts and share them to the strangers on internet to hopefully do something good for others out there struggling with the same issues. At the same time, she was also brutally honest on her downs with depression. Here are just some of the things she had been saying:
’’At this moment it’s hard to smile like in that picture. I’m laying on bed after a long battle with depression and anxiety. Whole life feels like grey mess and it’s hard to grasp on to anything.’’’’I’ve been afraid of death, although I’ve been more afraid about waking up to a new day. Life has poured a lots of sh*t on to me and I don’t know when life decides that ‘‘you have now received enough of sh*tty things, so lets give you something nice for change.’’
‘‘I’m just trying to survive one hour at a time and still hang on.’’
She had also been very vocal about how hard it is to get help in Finland. She - and myself included - have had to just patiently wait and wait for a miracle. Because of COVID and how f*cked up current mental health system is in Finland, those services are right now ridiculously overbooked and if one wants to get therapy, that said individual has to wait for YEARS before healing can finally start. Even if one cuts their wrists open and goes to hospital, that patient will be kicked off from hospital as soon as they are able to walk. It’s not that people are not taking individuals problems seriously, it’s just that they have no resources to take proper care of them. How f*cked up is that?
What I’ve seen across social media is that she truly was a sweetheart that was well-liked among her co-workers and her death truly affected so many people. Her Instagram-posts are filled with people wishing her to rest well now. She genuinely seemed like a person who had to deal with bad cards and she truly tried dealing with those bad cars until very end.
On one of her last Instagram-posts dated from September 2022, she wanted to talk about her weight because clearly it had bothered her so much. Here’s the whole text translated in english:
‘‘TW: Talking about weight. Don’t read, if said thing gives you anxiety❤️ I don’t know is this text stupid. I’ve always wanted to be little bit bigger, because I was bullied for having thin body. ‘‘Do you eat anything’’ ‘‘Are you anorexic’’ -comments were a normal day for me in secondary school, high school and even after that. Now for some reason I’ve gained 28-30kg in 6 months. My thoughts about it have been going everywhere. One day I look at myself thinking like ‘‘wow’’ and then on another day in front of mirror I feel like crying. It’s so distressing to write this text, because I want to be so body positive about myself, so I would be proud of these kilos. And that’s what I was at first. For me it’s whatever what weight scale or clothing sizes show me, but if I’m starting to feel bad in my own body, then that is what matters. I guess I wanted to tell, that life isn’t so easy on this side of screen. It gives me anxiety too when scrolling through social media and see those perfectly thin bodies. I’m happy, that my legs and butt have finally received some shape, but of course weight doesn’t only go to the places where you wish them to go. As the saying goes, ‘‘fat has the freedom to pick anywhere from body, but it always picks stomach or under chin’’ 😂
I don’t know what I was trying to express through this post. Now that I’ve stopped e-pills about month ago, I get questions in Instagram all the time that if I’m pregnant. It’s seriously SUPER hurtful, as I’ve said about it here before. It would be so nice to just be myself, and that everyone could feel like being as good as it is. From this I’ve learned that I’m happy with my body when it’s healthy and functional. At this moment those everyday wishes from 2 years ago about gaining weight makes me laugh. And if I now lose weight, I know that I’ll just go back on wishing thicker legs. Human mind is incredible. You always want something that you don’t have. If you dye your hair to blonde, you start wanting to be brunette and vice versa. Maybe someone got hang on from this train of thoughts❣️’’
That whole text is just incredibly sad. It’s clear how much she had struggled with her weight and how she just wanted to be what she is and be happy about it, but social media didn’t allow her to be happy with that body. I guess she was really hurting when writing that text, because when I was translating that text from finnish to english, last part started to be really difficult to translate it properly. It’s every time the same for me; If I translate something, I try to be truthful to the source material I’m translating from. This time around, I really couldn’t and had to use my own words to make text more fluent in different language so point comess more clearly to the reader. I can only imagine how much she was hurt by people asking if she was pregnant.
I have been struggling with my weight for years now. I absolutely hate looking at myself from the mirror. I can’t be happy about it, because once upon a time I happened to be more in-shape and nowadays all I see is just a fat piece of sh*t of a human being trying to just survive every day. Obviously I have my own issues and this piece isn’t about my issues, but I would be lying if I said that Jasmin’s death didn’t have some effect on me. It absolutely did, because her issues were so close to my heart and she was only 2 years older than me. I’m experiencing same problems she had with trying to get help and not receiving one. Her thoughts that she had shared on Instagram about her depression are something I would say.
Rest in peace, Jasmin Voutilainen. It saddens me to see someone so young and full of life just slowly disappear before going to the sleep for the very last time. With your death you have once again showcased to us how cruel social media and bullying in general can be. I truly hope we can some beautiful day move past from this bullying culture so we wouldn’t have to lose people like you because of it.
Sadly, looking at how another young woman named Iida Vainio, 19, is receiving same treatment from horrible people on internet, it’s hard to stay optimistic regarding things changing anytime soon. I’m still holding on to hope - but not for long.
Adult people. These comments hurts. I have reported these (to police) and will continue to do so, I can’t stand things like this.
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